Learning about life and love

I have learned so much about people, this year.  Through close attention and just generally putting in the hours and hard slog, I have gained an understanding of love and relationships through Disney quotes.  

Right now, this feels so relevant to me:  I was hiding under your porch because I love you. – UP

Grin and bear it...

2018 - A year of death, deception, divorce, desire, betrayal and bravery.

I'm not entirely sure I haven't spent this year living in a soap opera; it would explain so much.

So, that all important tally...

Friends who have died: 1 

(plus one dubious claim of I've been dead).

People who have betrayed me: 1

People on whom I will exact revenge: 1

Family members in hospital: 2

Nights sat up nursing broken hearts: 3

.....

Paper cuts: 0

So, it's not all bad.

Also, I found out that you can get vegetarian gummy bears.  My life is complete.

Should I choke to death on one, please let it just be said that I was killed by a bear.

Slush Skillz

So, how's the training going, Slushter?

Aw, thanks for asking. Yeah, I thought it was all going OK, but my tutor told me, today: I just don't think you're cut out to be a mime.

It must have been something I said.

.......

.....

...

.

Yeah, OK, I'm not getting any work as a stand up, either... but it's all going rather swimmingly. I've submitted another assignment, this week and I'm off doing some more i.d. stuff, this weekend and bat activity surveys next week.

It's not leaving much time for anything else, but it's stopping me from twiddling my thumbs quite so much and it's keeping my brain working - this makes me happy.  A happy Slush doesn't waste time wondering whether there's an alternate universe in which odd socks randomly appear in the washing.

Well, it's getting late. I'll leave you with some words of wisdom from a chap I used to work with. We will call him Simon because that is his name.  Simon told me:

Debs, it's never too late to shut your mouth.




Similar advice works if you're not called Debs.

Where are you, bayayayabeeee?

Yeah, sorry, I've been a bit busy, it's all a bit more serious than I like to keep these pages, so the dream team started up a new blog over at Stuff in the Muff... it's predominately cutesy little flowers, bees, weevils and stuff... not so many jokes as you get, here.

So, I've been retraining, learning my plant id, taking up a martial art (just for larks, I don't have any real desire to look at grading, at the moment) and making some changes to my appearance. Sounds like a mid-life crisis, right? Yeah, we all saw it coming!!

Part of this has been my dormouse training... Seriously, they are adorable... I totally got told off for stroking one on a training day. I didn't even realise I was doing it... won't happen again. Promise.

Hazel dormouse (Muscardinus avellanarius) and human bean (Homo sapiens)

Hazel dormouse (Muscardinus avellanarius)

So, sorry if you've missed me, my hand was forced in this... I have about nine months left on my contract.... and I genuinely do not know what happens next, so I wanna be ready for whatever comes my way.

I'll be OK, though. I mean, let's face it, I'm adorable.  Mostly.  Well, OK... possibly not, I mean I've got a good heart, but my mouth's a complete bitch.

Maybe it's time to go shopping, after all, I'm nicer when I like my outfit.

Right, the sun is shining, so I need to be outside, catching a tan.... (coff)

Hakuna matata xx

It never rains but the shower's broken....

Ah, home ownership, it's a never-ending joy, right?

So, I have a bathroom issue that I have no idea how to fix. I thought I'd better get someone in to fix it, so I googled 'plumber shower'....

Now I have a broken bathroom and a pornhub addiction.

But, Debs, I hear you cry, how's the diet going?  Well, I have done more walking this week than I had, so far, this year. It has been a whirl of surveys and habitat assessments.

On the flip side, I have also eaten my body weight in biscuits.  I now know for certain that (Debs fact HJ003513) my favourite biscuit is the fruit shortie but I have also failed to lose any weight whatsoever after a solid week's walking.  

It was worth it.

Thought Wondering of the day:

Whatever happened to all those people who asked me for directions?

It's like my mum always said...

What the hell is wrong with you, Debs???

I feel like I need a life plan.  I want to figure out where I'm going wrong.  Yes, I see you functioning well in this adult world... Me? Oh, well, today I turned on the wrong ring on the hob and cooked nothing for 20 minutes.  So, the diet's going OK, at least.

OK, it's not going that well... I mean, it's probably not great that every time there's a group photo to be taken, I'm handed the camera, right? 😔  So I've been getting some slimming world recipe tips. I struggle with the fact that my curry won't bind with fat free yoghurt. A friend suggested Quark.  So I bought some in Morrisons on Tuesday. And I put it in the fridge.

Yes, it's still there.

I've never used it and I'm not sure how to. Yes, I could google a recipe. But I could also leave the quark in the fridge to go off. It's pretty much 50/50.  OK, I'll go get a recipe now.  I'll let you know how it goes.  Maybe this will be my turning point and I'll become a famous tv chef.  If so, dinner's on me. If not.... fancy a curry?

It's probably best to not pursue fame and fortune. I mean, I like to think that money wouldn't change me, but my behaviour when I'm winning at Monopoly suggests otherwise.

Right,  I've got a quark curry recipe to find....  Got it!

The Slush Files: 25 Facts about me

You've been patient beyond belief.  

You want to know who I am? Are you certain?  Ohhhhhhhkay. But you have only yourself to blame for this.

Right, here we go...  This is the Slush Puppy....

1. I have been a vegetarian since 1997.

2. I'm a south east girl, by birth.

3. I have the utmost respect for the person who put the b in subtle.

4. I hated you, I loved you, too.

5. I'd rather have garlic bread and cheese than pizza.

6. I was named after Debbie Reynolds.

7. I find doing stuff like this really difficult as I'm not entirely comfortable putting personal information on the internet.

8. In my late teens I decided that I would have children: two girls. These girls would be called Raven and Ebony. I grew out of it.

9. As a child I wanted to be either a vet or an architect.

10. If you can't handle me at my worst, we have more in common than you think. 

11. You will never know the extent of my angry swearing until you have been a passenger in my car.

12. When I grow up I want to be Tori Amos.

13. I pine a lot. I find the lot falls through without you.

14. I've played the lottery three times and twice won a tenner. I think that's my luck used up there.

15. In theatre productions I always opted to do backstage work but was, without fail, dragged into performing. I stopped helping.

16. Give me an excuse to wear fancy dress and I will love you forever.

17. I love costume dramas.

18. In my next life, I want to be Jimmy Carr. I've tried, but I'm less funny and more offensive.

19. I’m Cathy, I've come home. I´m so cold, let me in your window.

20. My horizontal scar was caused by Boba Fett.

21. I'm coming back to his side to put it right. 

22. I've always wanted green eyes.

23. My best quality is my ability to learn about myself from online quizzes.

24. I love Red Kola, it is my fourth favourite thing about Scotland.

25. Hats. Never underestimate my love of hats. 

26. I can hardly believe you read this far.

27. I often change my mind about the details.

That's definitely enough for at least 8 months.  I'll be back soon.